


Doctor Doctor, Is This Love I'm Feeling?

by perfect_plan



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, But a lot of fluff, Chronic Illness, M/M, brief descriptions of minor medical procedures, descriptions of illness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-07
Updated: 2015-12-07
Packaged: 2018-05-05 12:08:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5374703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/perfect_plan/pseuds/perfect_plan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky Barnes starts to notice the cute blond haired guy in the waiting room whenever he's at the doctor's office.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Doctor Doctor, Is This Love I'm Feeling?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [asgardianette](https://archiveofourown.org/users/asgardianette/gifts).



Bucky managed to get himself a doctor's appointment for that morning. He couldn't shift this stupid cough that had persisted after a recent cold and it was starting to get on his nerves. After he'd hacked up what looked like some of the Nickelodeon Gak he used to play with as a kid and heard something rattle in his lungs, he reluctantly called the doctor's office and got dressed, tired and irritable. He hated going to the doctor's - not that he was scared or anything, he just always thought that he could get over any illness himself. It was a dumb way to think, he knew that, but all the orange juice in the world couldn't make him feel any better at the moment.

_Stupid body, betraying me and making me feel like shit._

He threw on his jacket and headed out, wanting to get a coffee on the way.

The waiting room was busy and he squeezed into a seat between a girl with a leg cast and a woman wearing an eye patch.

 _Put them together and they'd be the perfect pirate_ , Bucky thought to himself and had to stifle a laugh. Doing that made his throat tickle and then he coughed; it was wet and gurgling and it burned a little. The woman with the eye patch moved to another seat.

Bucky picked up the first magazine he saw on the table in front of him, a well-read issue of Cosmopolitan. He flipped through it and stopped on a quiz: _Are You Having Enough Orgasms?_ Bucky knew better than to laugh to himself now and took the quiz. Turns out he wasn't having enough orgasms.

Twenty minutes of waiting soon turned to forty. Leg cast girl was getting very fidgety and eye patch woman had fallen asleep. The waiting room was now full and Bucky glanced around, trying to guess what everyone was in here for. The guy with the bandage across his face obviously had a head wound. The little kid with the rash (ew) obviously had a rash. The stiff business woman in the corner he couldn't quite tell but she looked tense. Maybe _she_ wasn't having enough orgasms. He chided himself for wanting to laugh at his own jokes all the time and scanned the room again.

Opposite him was a small blond guy in a blue cardigan that looked about three sizes too big. He kept sweeping his bangs to the side and he was reading a Kindle; his black-framed glasses kept slipping down his nose which was annoying and cute at the same time. He looked a little pale but seemed to be alert and enjoying whatever it was he was reading. Bucky started to keep a tally of how many times he fiddled with his hair or pushed his glasses back up his nose.

He had reached eight hair swipes and ten glasses pushes when the receptionist called, "James Barnes?"

 _Finally_ , Bucky thought and as he stood up, started to cough again.

The blond guy looked up at him and he had the biggest blue eyes Bucky had ever seen and if that didn't just make him slightly more attracted to him. Before Bucky even knew what he was doing, he smiled and swept his own hair to the side in imitation of what he'd been watching for the last fifteen minutes.

The blond guy blinked and turned red. Bucky gave him one more smile, because he was a shameless flirt, and walked through to the doctor's office.

***

He hissed when the cold metal of the stethoscope slid up his back and he took several deep, rattling breaths.

"Chest infection", the doctor concluded.

Bucky groaned and coughed. "Really?"

The doctor indicated to Bucky that he could pull his shirt back down. "Afraid so. I'm just going to take your temperature." He stuck the thermometer in Bucky's ear which was too ticklish. "You've got a slight fever too. Do you smoke?"

"Yes," Bucky said. He could do with a cigarette right about now. He shrugged his jacket back on.

"Well, I'd bin those for the next week or two. They'll only make it worse. There's not much you can really do except take Ibuprofen regularly, drink lots of fluids and make sure you sleep propped up. I'd recommend getting the next few days off of work and taking it easy."

"I can't have antibiotics?" Bucky asked, really not wanting to have to call Nat and ask for time off.

The doctor sat back in his chair. "Only if was something more serious like bronchitis or pneumonia but I'm fairly certain you don't have either."

Bucky frowned. "Great. So I just sit it out?"

"If it gets worse or doesn't shift, come back and see me. Other than that, rest, fluids, painkillers."

Bucky clicked the office door closed behind him when he left. "Great use of my medical insurance," he muttered.

The blond guy wasn't in the waiting room on his way out.

***

"Hey Nat. I can't come into work for the next three days. I'm ill. Doctor's orders."

He could almost hear Natasha frown down the phone. "You don't sound ill. What's wrong with you?"

"Chest infection."

"Bullshit. You just want to stay home and play Fallout 4."

Bucky had every intention of doing that anyway but drew in a deep breath and coughed into the phone, mustering up as much gack as he could.

He heard Nat wince. "Oh my god, fine. Yes. You're ill. Jesus, you sound like Jabba The Hut."

"I will be playing Fallout 4, though. I'm sure it still constitutes as taking it easy."

"Drink honey and lemon, lots of water."

Bucky smirked. "Aw, thanks Mom."

Nat snorted. "Fuck you. I just want you to get better so you can come back to work."

"I really am sorry for this, you know. I hate being ill."

"I know. Don't worry about it; Darcy and Pete can take on a little more and you'll just be buying us coffee for a week when you get back."

"Aw, come on! Two days worth," Bucky cried, turning his head to cough into a tissue.

"Three days worth and a box of pastries," Nat said.

"Fine. Three days of coffee and _one_ box of pastries. Now I need to rest. And play Fallout 4."

Nat hung up.

***

Over the next few days, Bucky did exactly what the doctor told him too: Very little. He played Fallout 4, watched Netflix until he fell asleep and drank lots of water. He was starting to feel better after day four and by day five, he was back in the studio with a slightly muffled head, coughing occasionally but it wasn't as bad or as gunky as it had been.

He was trying to catch up on work but his right ear was being weird; it felt like there was a moth or something in there and the strange swishy, crunchy noises were starting to make him nervous.

"Bucky!" Nat shouted next to him, making him jump in his chair.

"For fuck's sake, Nat! What?"

"I've been talking to you for three minutes and you've been totally ignoring me." She had her angry face on.

Bucky jabbed a finger in his ear and wiggled it. "Something's wrong with my ear. I can't hear properly. Have a look and see if there's anything in it."

Nat recoiled. "Ew, no. I'm not doing that."

Darcy poked her head around her monitor. "I'll do it! I love rooting around in people's ears." She rummaged in her drawer and came over to Bucky's side of the desk. She was holding a small flashlight.

"Hmm," she said, and yanked on Bucky's ear trying to see further inside.

"Ow! Careful," Bucky said and grimaced. "Well, is there anything in there?"

"No. Your ears are freakishly clean. Probably an inner ear thing."

"How do you know so much about ears?" Nat asked.

Darcy grinned. "YouTube. Tons of gross videos from ENTs."

Nat shook her head and rolled her eyes. "If you can get an appointment today, get back and see the doctor. You can either take it out of your lunch break or stay late to make the time up."

Bucky tipped his head, as if that would solve the problem. "You're letting me take time out for that?"

"It's either this or I listen to you complain until you do go and I need you around tomorrow for the puppy photo shoot. Pete's useless on his own if it's just him and small cute animals. Put me out of my misery now and just go make an appointment."

***

So Bucky found himself back in the doctor's office an hour later. It wasn't as busy as the other day but he still thought he'd be waiting longer than he should. A girl of about eight was squirming around in the seat next to her mom who was absorbed with her cell phone. An old couple sat together skimming a Reader's Digest. Bucky sat in the same seat as last time and sighed. He perked up five minutes later when he saw a familiar sight signing in at the front desk.

When the blond-haired guy saw Bucky, he started slightly but then sat down in the same seat opposite. He was wearing a huge red hoodie today. Did this guy have any clothes that actually fit? He kept averting his eyes but then looked back up. Bucky gave him his best smile. The blond haired guy smiled back a little tightly and then looked away again. But it wasn't long until he glanced back up, trying to be surreptitious.

The little girl had grown bored and had wandered over to the large display of pamphlets, taking some out and reading them.

She suddenly turned and asked, very loudly: "Mommy, what's...gonner-ear?" She held up an STD pamphlet.

The mother immediately turned puce and her mouth dropped open. The old woman tutted and Bucky clapped a hand over his mouth to stifle the laugh that was about to erupt just as he heard a loud snort from across the room. The blond-haired guy had jammed the sleeve of his hoodie into his mouth and was trying not to laugh too. The mother flustered with the little girl and made her sit down, all the while looking mortified as hell as her daughter showed her the other pamphlets she had picked up. Bucky glanced back over to the blond guy and they sniggered together as silently as they could. This time, the blond's eyes were warm instead of furtive.

"James Barnes?"

"Here," Bucky said and stood up. He gave the blond guy an amused smile which he was delighted to see was returned.

***

"So what's the diagnoses?" Nat asked when Bucky made it back to the studio.

"Fluid build up behind my ear drum from the chest infection. I need to steam my head."

Darcy barked out a laugh.

Nat scowled. "Is that it? I gave you time off for steam?"

"Hey, I'm not happy about it either; I swear, that doctor just says the first thing to get me out of there. If I knew all I'd have to do was sniff hot water under a towel, I'd have let Darcy diagnose me." He sat down and got back to work. "It wasn't all bad though; it's the second time I've seen this really cute blond guy in the waiting room."

Darcy cooed. "Ooh, Love In The Doctor's Office. Sounds like a Harlequin Romance novel."

"Doctor, I have a fever. I think I'm hot for you," Bucky said in a high voice and Darcy laughed.

Nat sighed. "Okay, get back to work."

"Doctor, I need my prostate checked - " Darcy said, not getting any further before Bucky almost fell off of his chair laughing and Nat threw a box of paperclips in their general direction.

***

"Mother _fucker!_ " Bucky exclaimed looking at the letter he had just opened three days later. "What the actual hell?"

His medical insurance company had somehow managed to switch Bucky's name with his dad's, who was the policy holder, and the three figure bill he was facing was not what he wanted to see first thing in the morning. It also kind of made him look like he was committing insurance fraud. _Great, just great_. He couldn't sort this out now, he'd have to wait until after work. Nat would definitely not give him any more time off.

Work crawled by. The puppy photo shoot was a nightmare; Pete could barely focus and the puppies were shitting and pissing all over the place. Ordinarily, Bucky wouldn't have minded but he needed to sort out this goddamn medical insurance stuff and was growing more agitated as the day progressed. He'd tried calling the doctor's office on his lunch break but the person he spoke to had no idea what he was talking about and Bucky all but stomped over after work, tired and hungry and not in the mood to deal with anyone who didn't know what they were doing.

Luckily, the receptionist on duty this evening was a little more helpful than the dingbat over the phone and immediately saw what the problem was. She asked Bucky to wait for a moment and went to make some copies of his paperwork. He let out a sigh of relief and glanced around. A smile crept on his face when he noticed someone familiar.

_Well, what do you know._

Cute Blond Guy (his new official name) was back in the waiting room and looking over at Bucky, the same surprised but also pleased look on his face. Did he live here or something?

Bucky was considering actually talking to the guy but then a nurse came out of one of the examination rooms and called, "Steven Rogers?"

Cute Blond Guy got up - he was wearing the oversized blue cardigan from before - and shuffled out of the waiting room. He gave Bucky a little smile, his cheeks pink and followed the nurse.

 _Shit_ , Bucky thought as Cute Blond guy disappeared out of sight.

The receptionist came back with his paperwork and he left the office. As he stepped out onto the street he hesitated. He didn't think he'd be coming back here any time soon (he hoped) and that guy really _was_ cute. Bucky rocked on his heels for a moment and then got out his phone.

 **BUCKY:** Wish me luck. About to do something really stupid. Harlequin Romance stupid.

He hit send and stood against the wall of the office. His phone blooped.

 **DARCY:** OMG with the cute guy from the doctor's??

 **BUCKY:** I think I'm going to ask him out. Could all go horribly wrong.

 **DARCY:** Offer to check his prostate. Good luck :P

***

Bucky stood waiting for fifteen minutes and then the door of the doctor's office opened and Cute Blond Guy stepped out, rubbing his arm.

"Hey Steven," Bucky called and the guy turned around, a little startled.

"Oh, hi. Hi." His voice was a lot deeper than Bucky had expected. He looked surprised.

Bucky gave him a little wave. "Sorry, I know this must seem a little weird but after the gonhorrea escapade I had to talk to you."

Cute Blond Guy - Steven - laughed softly. "Yeah, that was pretty funny."

"So, you come here often?" Bucky asked with a grin, jabbing his thumb back at the building.

Steven smiled but with a little less humor this time. "More often than I'd like. You?"

"Not so much. I'm Bucky." He held out his hand.

"Steve. Nice to meet you." He didn't question Bucky's name but looked at him curiously as they shook, his eyes big and bright behind his glasses. "I've never seen you in there before and then I see you on three of my last six visits."

"I noticed. That's kind of why I wanted to talk to you; wasn't sure when I'd be ill enough again to need to see the doc and I can't afford too many fake-outs, not on my medical insurance plan," Bucky grinned.

Steve huffed out a laugh. "Yeah. So...uh, it was nice to meet you." He seemed uncertain as to what to do next.

"Look, I came here straight from work and I'm starving. Want to get something to eat with me?" Bucky asked, just going for it.

Steve shuffled on his feet. "Uh..."

Bucky held his hands up. "Don't feel obligated, I won't be offended."

"No," Steve said quickly, "it's not that. Um, I just don't get...asked out to dinner very often. Especially not at the doctor's office."

"Well, are you feeling adventurous?" Bucky asked and cocked one eyebrow.

Steve laughed softly again, the air of uncertainty dissipating from him a little. "I just had a ton of blood drawn so I'm feeling a little queasy. Something to eat would probably be a good idea."

"Then how about burgers? There's a great place a couple of blocks over."

Steve smiled. "Um, okay." He seemed to be trying to figure Bucky out.

Bucky wondered for a split second if Steve got asked out at _all_ , let alone at the doctor's office. He was a confident guy himself; he always made it more than clear when he liked someone enough to want to get to know them better and it usually worked out for him.

They headed down the street, Steve tugging nervously at his cardigan the whole time. He had a strong jaw that was set with determination; Bucky watched him, trying not to smile as Steve swept his hair to the side several times. Maybe it was a nervous tic.

They reached the burger place and found a booth. They both ordered and Steve cleared his throat.

"So what do you do when you're not spending your time being ill?"

"I work in a photography studio. It's kind of small but we do okay. I Photoshop stuff mainly, tidy up all the pictures but our photographer, Pete is pretty good. My job isn't too taxing. We do a lot of in-house graphic design too. Calendars mainly," Bucky replied.

Steve looked interested. "Oh yeah?"

"Today we had twelve Labrador puppies in for a shoot. They're cute, don't get me wrong but the clean up is something I'd rather not do," Bucky said.

Steve laughed. "I don't think I would have minded. I love puppies."

 _That's because you_ are _a puppy_ , Bucky thought and smiled. "How about you?"

"I'm a writer. Educational stuff mostly. I like it," Steve replied with a little shrug. "Means I get to work from home."

"That sounds pretty awesome. Convenient for all of those doctor's visits too, huh?" Bucky said with a smirk.

Again, the humor dropped from Steve's smile a little. "You could say that."

Bucky had the feeling he'd put his foot in something but then their food came and he had the pleasure of watching Steve demolish his burger and fries; for a little guy, he could sure pack it away. They chatted as they ate and Steve was very pleasant: He didn't dominate the conversation but was interesting and had a lot of enthusiasm for his work and hobbies. He liked listening to Bucky's studio anecdotes, including the story of the old couple who had booked in for a whole series of portraits but had neglected to tell anyone that they wanted to be nude in all of them until they were ready to shoot.

"I tell you, watching that old dude drop trou and just stand there like nothing was wrong will haunt me forever." Bucky shuddered.

Steve's shoulder's shook as he laughed, a rich deep laugh that made Bucky feel like he'd made the right decision in asking him out. "Oh my god, that's amazing."

"It wasn't. It really wasn't. The four of us were shell-shocked for at least three days after. And guess who had to spend all that time touching up old people's junk in Photoshop?" Bucky made a show of going to eat his last fry but then shook his head and dropped it on his plate.

Steve laughed harder and slumped against the back of the booth. "Stop, please stop!"

"I had to zoom waaaaaaay into those pictures too," Bucky said, rewarded by more laughter. 

"Please, no more. I'll have an asthma attack," Steve said and wiped his eyes on a napkin." Bucky thought he was joking until he reached into his bag and pulled out an inhaler, shaking it a little before taking a puff.

"Shit, sorry," Bucky said.

Steve held up a hand. "Not an issue." He put his inhaler back in his bag. "Well, this was an unexpected evening."

"Oh yeah? In a good or bad way?" Bucky asked and folded his arms.

Steve smiled and stared hard at his empty plate. "Good way."

"So good you might want to see me again?"

Steve was quiet for a moment. "I'd like to..." he said.

Bucky couldn't help but feel a pang of disappointment. "But?"

"It's complicated."

"I'm Already Seeing Someone complicated? I'm Moving To Another Country complicated?" Bucky said. He _really_ wanted to see Steve again.

Steve tugged on the sleeves of his cardigan. "None of those," he said softly but didn't offer any more information.

Bucky sighed and played with the last fry on his plate. "Okay, how about this: I'll give you my number and you can decide whether you want to call me or not. I won't take _your_ number so the ball is entirely in your court. It's totally up to you. No pressure or anything."

"But...what if I don't call you?" Steve asked.

Bucky shrugged. "Then nothing. I'd really like to see you again but if you'd rather not then no biggie."

Steve frowned a little and that look was back on his face, like he couldn't figure Bucky out. "Alright," he finally said.

Bucky gave Steve his number and they paid for their food and went outside. It was dark and Steve shivered a little, pulling his huge cardigan around himself, his blond hair blowing softly in the cool evening breeze.

"If I don't get to see you again, thanks for joining me," Bucky said and held his hand out again. "I had a nice time."

Steve took it and shook. His grasp was firm but his hand was cold, despite them having just been in a warm diner for a couple of hours. "Me too," he said softly and Bucky thought, a little sadly.

Bucky gave him his best smile, the one Nat called his Groin Heater. "Bye, Steve." He turned and walked away down the block, keeping his fingers crossed in the pockets of his jeans that Steve would call him. 

***

A week went by and with each day that passed, Bucky was losing hope that Steve would call him back. Nat, Darcy and Pete all knew about the "date" and after three days of cajoling had finally toned it down when they could see that Bucky wouldn't be getting a follow up phone call. He was a little upset - not because it was a dent on his masculinity in any way - he'd been rejected plenty of times - but because he'd liked Steve, more than he thought he would. Sure, he'd been attracted to him at first without knowing him, but the couple of hours they'd spent in the diner had made him want to get to know him even more.

He sighed as he fiddled with the contrast on a photo of a park for a local tourism brochure.

"Weight of the world, Barnes?" Darcy asked from her desk, chewing on some liquorice. She was the only person Bucky knew who liked that crap.

"He's pining," Nat said before Bucky could answer.

"I'm not pining," Bucky said.

"Who's pining?" Pete asked as he swapped out a camera lens. He was taking stills of fruit for a recipe book.

"Bucky is," Darcy said.

"I'm not!"

Pete snapped a couple of pictures, scowled at them on the digital viewer and changed the lens again. "Is this over the guy from the docs?"

"Yes," Nat said.

"No, it's not. Now would you all just please go fu - " Bucky's phone started to buzz next to him. He snatched it up and looked at the number. He didn't recognize it. He answered. "Hello?"

"Uh, Bucky? It's Steve."

Bucky leapt up from his seat. "Steve! Steve, hi! How are you?" He glanced at Nat, pleading with his eyes for her to let him take the call. She grinned and nodded. He practically knocked over his chair to get to the small kitchen and shut the door for some privacy. He could hear the others all sniggering in the studio.

"I'm okay. How are you?" Steve sounded unsure, hesitant.

"Pretty good. I'm at work."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I completely forgot that you'd be...I should have known. Should I call back?"

"No! No, it's cool. I'm on a break anyway. It's good to hear from you." He crossed his fingers again.

Steve took a breath. "Yeah, I meant to call sooner but I just got...look, can we meet up again? I need to let you know a little about my situation and why I was so...not good company last week."

"You were great company," Bucky said softly. "I'm really glad you called back and I'd love to see you again."

There was silence on the other end of the line. "Same diner, tonight at 6pm?"

Bucky grinned. "I'll be there."

When he stepped back out into the studio, Nat, Pete and Darcy all started clapping and cheering.

***

They sat in the same booth as before and ordered burgers again. They chatted about work and other stuff and Bucky didn't push Steve to talk about what he mentioned over the phone; he'd get to it in his own time. Steve looked particularly adorable tonight - he was wearing a v-neck blue sweater over a red plaid shirt with the collar slightly askew. The waitress cleared their plates when they were done and Bucky had another cup of coffee while Steve just had a glass of water.

"Um...so about what I mentioned on the phone," Steve said.

Bucky nodded and waited for him to go on.

"I get ill. A lot," Steve said, a frown on his face. "I mean, a _lot_. I've always had a weakened immune system and while I have a million ways to manage it, I still get ill. I had open-heart surgery when I was nineteen. I'm asthmatic and diabetic. My eyesight sucks. I wear a back brace most days; I had scoliosis as a kid and while a heavier brace corrected most of it, I still have back trouble." He took a breath.

Steve looked like he wanted to say more so Bucky waited to let him finish.

"I have a couple of good friends but they don't live here, in New York, so I'm alone most of the time. I spend around a third of each month at the doctor's office." He stared down at his water.

"That must suck," Bucky said sincerely. "I'm sorry to hear it."

Steve looked out of the window. "What I'm trying to say is that I'm not much fun to be around."

Bucky rested an arm over the top of the booth's seat. "I think you're fun."

"Now, when I'm well maybe."

Bucky shrugged. "I can be not much fun when I'm well. You can have good days and bad days at any time."

Steve looked up at him, his eyes slightly desperate. "But I have more bad days than most people."

Bucky rested his arms on the table and leaned towards Steve a little. "This seems a lot like you're trying to convince me why I shouldn't ask you out on a proper date."

Steve's cheeks went a little pink.

"And I can tell you that it's not working," Bucky said and sipped his coffee, keeping his eyes on Steve.

Steve floundered. "I'm trying to tell you that most people soon get tired of someone who can't go out because they got another stomach virus or migraine or have to rush home because they forgot their pills."

"Most people are idiots, then. I pride myself on _not_ being an idiot. In the ways that count, anyway." Bucky grinned.

Steve's face finally lost it's frown and he sat back in his seat, resigned, eyeing up Bucky for a few moments and looking less guarded. He folded his arms. "So?"

"So what?"

Steve leaned forward. "Are you going to ask me out on a proper date?" He smiled then, a challenging but genuine smile and Bucky's stomach flipped with excitement.

"Now we're getting somewhere," he said and leaned over the table to straighten Steve's collar.

***

Steve was awesome, Bucky officially concluded. They had been on three dates and where Steve had been kind of quiet and hesitant before, he seemed to be gaining some confidence. He had a quick wit and a sarcastic sense of humor that Bucky loved to bounce off of. He was well read and smart. He was polite to everyone. He left big tips for the wait staff. He was just...awesome.

They hadn't done anything more than meet for dinner so far but Bucky didn't mind; he liked where this was going. His last few dates had seemed to want to stick to the old dating standards (which Bucky hated) but he was more than happy to just have fun with Steve as they had been and see what happened next. It was kind of exciting.

Bucky was half-way to the Mexican restaurant they had decided to try out when he got a text.

 **STEVE:** Hey, running a little late, shouldn't be more than 20 mins. Sorry :(

Bucky smiled and texted back.

 **BUCKY:** No worries! Want me to get any drinks and appetizers?

 **STEVE:** Sounds good! Surprise me :)

Bucky got to the restaurant and ordered drinks and a few side dishes to try. Steve came in fifteen minutes later looking flustered and red cheeked, thunking heavily down into his chair.

"I'm so sorry; I was meeting a client and told them I had to leave at a certain time so of _course_ they kept me late and then I missed the train and..." he took a huge gulping breath and then smiled. "Hi."

Bucky laughed. "Hi. Glad you could join me."

The waiter came with their appetisers and Steve grinned at Bucky again. He was just about to try something when his face clouded. "Shit."

"What's up?" Bucky asked, concerned.

Steve was wearing that look on his face that Bucky hadn't seen since their second non-date; the one that was self-conscious and hesitant. "I need to take my pills."

Bucky shrugged. "So take them. No-one'll see and I don't care if you have to take a couple of pills."

Steve glanced at Bucky and then nodded. He still looked worried. "Alright." He reached into his bag and pulled out a pillbox that was seven compartments by four - each day of the week marked with morning, noon, evening and bedtime. There had to be at least ten pills stuffed into each little compartment.

Bucky blinked. When Steve had mentioned his medication, he thought he meant three or four pills at the most. His heart twisted painfully in his chest.

"You're thinking it now, aren't you," Steve said quietly as he opened one of the little compartments and shook the pills into his hand. He quickly put the pillbox back into his bag.

"Thinking what?" Bucky asked.

"That it won't be much fun to be with someone who has to go through all of this shit every day." He was grasping the pills tightly in his hand and staring down at the table.

Bucky reached across and held Steve's hand with both of his. "I'm thinking," he said gently, "that I'm sorry you have to go through this shit every day but it doesn't make me like you any less."

Steve placed his other hand on top of Bucky's and swallowed. "What made you want to talk to me? That first time in the doctor's office when you copied the thing I do with my hair?"

"I thought you were the cutest thing I'd ever seen," Bucky said and Steve met his eyes. "I still think you're the cutest thing I've ever seen."

Steve ducked his head. "Aw, come on now..."

"It's true," Bucky said and squeezed Steve's hands again. "And I don't give a shit about the pills or anything else. I mean, I give a shit in that I wish that you didn't have to be ill all the time but I want to help."

Steve's face broke into a dazzling smile. "You are helping, Bucky."

***

Everyone in the studio seemed to think it was funny how much Bucky was into this new guy.

"Oh my god, this is so cute. You're literally smiling _all the time_ ," Darcy said and pinched Bucky's cheeks as he tried to pull away from her.

"Get off of me! I'm smiling because, yes, he is awesome and I really like him." He swatted her away as she came in for another cheek pinch.

Pete laughed from his desk. "Bucky and Steve, sitting in a tree..."

"Don't you start," Bucky growled.

Nat walked in from the kitchen eating a Slim Jim. "Please don't forget that we have twelve Pomeranian puppies coming in tomorrow for another calendar shoot. I need everyone alert and armed with poop bags."

Bucky spoke before he could think better of himself. "Oh my god, Steve would love - " He bit down hard on his lip.

There were a few moments of silence before everyone started to talk at once, even Nat.

"Oooh, Steve!"

"Steve, come stroke my puppies...!"

"Make love to me, Steve - "

Bucky dropped his head onto his desk. "Why do I bother telling you jerks _anything_."

Darcy snickered. "Well, I think it's fucking adorable."

"Yeah, it's nice to see you so happy, Buck," Pete said and threw a Dorito at him.

"Why don't you see if he wants to come in and watch?" Nat said and Bucky rolled his head to the side.

"Really?"

She shrugged. "Why not? He can help us out and we'll buy him lunch and coffee."

Bucky picked up his phone and called Steve. Darcy squealed happily.

"Hey Bucky!" Steve answered cheerfully. "How are you?"

Bucky smiled. "Hey. I'm good. Look, I have a proposal for you."

"Okay," Steve said carefully.

"How would you like to come in to the studio tomorrow and help us with a twelve Pomeranian puppy photo shoot?"

Steve was silent for a few seconds. "Are you serious?"

"Yep. We'll get you lunch and coffee if you want to help us wrangle them too."

"I get to watch you photograph twelve puppies..."

"That is correct."

" _And_ play with them?"

"Also correct."

"Give me the address and time to show up _right now_."

Bucky laughed and gave him the address. "Come along at 9am if you can. If you need to go home and work - "

"I can tell you now that I'm putting _everything_ on hold to do this. You have no idea how excited I am." There was a pause. "I keep having to pinch myself...because you're kind of unreal..." he trailed off.

Bucky held back an even bigger smile, because he knew he was being watched. "I know how easily your skin marks so try not to do that too much."

Steve laughed softly. "I'll see you tomorrow?"

"I can't wait. Bye, Steve," Bucky said and hung up.

He blocked his ears against the barrage of wolf-whistles and taunting.

***

Steve turned up at 9am on the dot the next day and Bucky introduced him to Nat, Darcy and Pete. Thankfully, the three of them were on their best behaviour although when Steve turned to put his jacket and bag under Bucky's desk, Darcy crammed both fists to her mouth and bit them, holding back a shriek of joy.

The puppy's owner arrived at 9:15am and then all hell broke loose. Darcy was manning the desks and laughed and jeered as Steve, Nat and Bucky all tried to help with the shoot. The puppy's owner kept hitting on Pete and was essentially useless. Three of the puppies had taken an immense liking to Steve and just followed him everywhere, which made trying to get the group shots of the puppies almost impossible because every time they were set up in the shot and Steve walked away, the three puppies would run after him. Bucky had never laughed so much in his life and Steve just looked so damn _happy_.

After two hours of madness, most of the puppies completely conked out and the owner went outside for a cigarette. Pete slumped at his desk and let out a string of pathetic whimpers while Steve sat on the floor with five sleeping puppies curled up in his lap, looking like he might burst with joy. Bucky walked over to him as quietly as he could.

"Hey, how are you holding up?"

Steve grinned. "I'm having the best time, Bucky. I mean look at these little guys. They're so _warm_." He gently stroked one of the sleeping puppies and it sighed.

Bucky laughed softly. "Can I get you a drink and a snack? We'll probably break for lunch in a couple more hours, get the most out of the puppies when they wake up."

"A water would be great. I'm okay for food; think I'm running on pure excitement." He smiled down at the puppies again.

Bucky went into the small kitchen and rummaged through the refrigerator for a bottle of water. Nat came in after him, rubbing her neck.

"Remind me again as to _why_ we always to agree to do photo shoots with animals?"

Bucky snorted. "Because that's where the big bucks are?" He handed her a water and she pressed it to her forehead.

"Steve is great," she said with a little smile.

Bucky wasn't usually a blusher but he felt his face heat up a little. "Yeah, he really is."

Nat leaned against the counter. "So are you two serious?"

"We haven't even kissed yet."

"What?!" Nat said and then composed herself. "Are you kidding me?"

"Hey, I like taking this slow! It's nice, you know? We like each other but there's no pressure. I want it to be right."

Nat punched him on the arm. "Who knew you were such a softy?"

"Okay, shut up now."

***

They managed to get the rest of the shoot done when the puppies woke up and by 1:45pm were all starving. Darcy ordered pizza and the five of them sat around and talked. Steve looked tired but content and he sat close to Bucky, their knees occasionally touching.

At 2:30pm, Steve turned to Bucky with an apologetic grin. "I think I have to head off. I'm wiped."

"No problem," Bucky said and grabbed Steve's jacket and bag. Steve thanked everyone for a lovely day and Bucky walked him outside, hailing a cab.

"Oh, I can get the subway..." Steve protested.

"Nope. I'm getting you a taxi." A cab pulled up and Bucky handed the driver a twenty.

"Bucky, you really don't - "

"Will you go out with me for dinner tomorrow night?" Bucky asked, smiling.

Steve frowned but he was trying not to grin. "That won't always work, you know."

"What won't?" Bucky asked with innocent eyes.

"That _smile_. That...stupid charming smile." Steve folded his arms.

"But it's working now?" Bucky fluttered his eyelashes.

Steve finally broke and laughed as he opened the cab door. "Fine. Dinner tomorrow. It's my turn to choose, right?" He climbed in the cab and leaned an arm out of the window.

Bucky hunched down so he was level with Steve. "Just text me when and where."

"Thank you for today. It was fantastic," Steve said. "I'll be dreaming of puppies tonight."

"Dream of me too?" Bucky smirked.

Steve raised an eyebrow suggestively. "Oh, I'll make sure I will."

Bucky blushed for the second time that day as he watched Steve drive away.

***

Bucky was on his lunch break the next day at a local sandwich place. He usually sat in the studio for his lunch but he felt like a change today. As he was finishing up, his phone rang.

"Hey Stevie," he said with a grin.

"Hey Buck," Steve answered. He sounded terrible.

Bucky frowned. "Are you okay?"

"I woke up with a bad headache and I feel awful. I've been sleeping most of the morning hoping it would go but...I'm so sorry, Bucky. I don't think I can make dinner tonight."

"Not a problem. You do what you need to do, we can get dinner any time. Is there anything I can do for you?"

"No, I'm good. Thanks for the offer. I'm..." Steve's voice broke a little. "I'm so _sorry_. I ruined our plans. I..."

Bucky shushed him. "Steve, you don't ever have to apologize to me. For anything. I mean that."

Steve sniffed. "It's just...this _always_ happens. You'll start to think that - "

"I won't start to think _anything_ , okay? Steve, I'm crazy about you. That includes everything, not just how funny and cute and interesting you are. I'm crazy about your snot and your headaches and you just feeling better and doing what you need to _get_ better. So don't ever think that I feel any other way about that."

Steve sniffed again and Bucky could hear him blowing his nose. "You're really crazy about my snot?"

Bucky smiled. "It's Steve Rogers snot. How could I not be?"

Steve laughed softly then and Bucky knew he would do anything for this guy. "Thanks, Bucky. I think I'll feel better after a day of rest."

"Just do me one favor?"

"Anything."

"Call me later and let me know how you are?"

"I will. I'm...I'm kind of crazy about you too, you know that right?" Steve said.

"Of course I know it; I'm Bucky Barnes. Why wouldn't you be?"

Steve laughed again. "You jerk. I'll call you tonight."

Bucky grinned. "Get better, punk."

***

Bucky was yawning in front of Netflix later that night when Steve called him.

"Hi Steve," he said happy but sleepy.

"Hi Bucky. I hope I didn't wake you up."

"I wouldn't care if you had. Oh man, you sound _tons_ better."

"I _feel_ so much better. I slept through most of the day and managed some dinner. I could still sleep another seven hours but my headache is gone at least."

Bucky curled onto his side and snuggled into the couch. "I'm so happy to hear that."

"I was thinking, how would you like it if our date was a breakfast date? Tomorrow morning? There's a place not too far from my apartment that does awesome bacon and pancakes," Steve said.

"Three of my favorite things for breakfast? Hell yes, it's a date."

"But bacon and pancakes is only two...ah. You were talking about me," Steve said amused.

Bucky grinned harder. "Yup. Are you blushing?"

"Not in the slightest."

Bucky chuckled. "You are. You totally are."

"Kind of full of yourself there, aren't you?"

"Yes."

Steve laughed warmly. "That's what I like about you."

"Just that?" Bucky said.

"Oh, I have a whole list of things I like about you," Steve said.

"So start at number one and I'll tell you when I'm too tired to listen to any more."

Steve snickered down the phone. "I'll see you tomorrow. 10am at my place?"

Bucky hummed. "I can't wait."

"Me too," Steve said. "Thank you, Bucky. For just being understanding."

"You don't have to thank me for that," Bucky said gently.

"I'm going to anyway. Goodnight, Bucky."

"Goodnight, Steve."

***

Steve texted Bucky his address - just a few subway stops away from where Bucky lived - and he was happy and excited as he walked the last block to Steve's apartment for their breakfast date. He really thought there was something special here; everything was so easy and fun. He knew Steve was sensitive about his health and was still very self-conscious about it but Bucky wanted him, _all_ of him. He picked up his pace a little.

Steve answered the door of his apartment looking as excited as Bucky. He was wearing a soft grey sweater and jeans and it was all Bucky could do to stop himself from wanting to sweep Steve into his arms and never let him go. Hopefully, the time would be right to do that very soon.

"Come on in," Steve said and ushered Bucky through the door. His place was very nice; it wasn't huge but it was comfortable and delightfully cluttered. A workstation with a desk, laptop and quite a few precarious piles of books was against the main window, overlooking the street.

"I really like your place," Bucky said.

"Thanks. I would apologize for the mess but it's always like this." He dug around in a shoe rack by the door for a pair of sneakers.

"It's a good kind of messy though," Bucky replied, admiring some black and white photos of Brooklyn in the 1930s arranged in frames on one wall. "Like a lived-in mess."

Steve chuckled. "Your place _doesn't_ look lived-in?"

"My place is dull as hell. I always wanted somewhere like this but I never really got around to making my apartment all that personal."

Steve tied his sneakers and then stood up and rubbed his arm. "Um, I have to just...do my diabetes stuff. It's...my insulin."

"Not a problem," Bucky said and leaned against the little dining table between the living area and the kitchen.

"I'll just be a few minutes," Steve said, red creeping up his neck. He indicated to the bathroom.

Bucky reached out and took Steve's hand. "Steven, I don't know if you noticed this, but I'm very interested in pursuing a relationship with you and for me, that includes everything. Diabetes, asthma, the whole shebang. Please don't ever feel embarrassed by anything you have to do because I care about you."

Steve shook his head and glanced down at their hands. He rubbed his thumb against Bucky's. "I'm so lucky," he said quietly.

"Me too," Bucky said and when Steve looked up at him, he had tears in his eyes. Bucky squeezed Steve's hand. "Show me how you do it."

"My blood sugar test and insulin?"

"Yeah. I'm really interested."

Steve was hesitant for a few seconds but then nodded. He went to the bathroom and came back with a small fabric pack and some cotton balls. "You really want to see how I do this?"

Bucky smiled. "Yes."

Steve smiled back and it was free from worry and doubt. "Alright." He opened the pack. It contained a small pen-like device, something similar to a stopwatch, a plastic tub of strips, several wrapped syringes and some vials of clear liquid. He took a strip from the plastic tub and inserted it into the stopwatch device and switched it on.

"So this is my blood glucose reader; when I put a drop of blood on here, it reads my blood sugar levels and then I know how much insulin I need."

"Cool," Bucky said.

Steve picked up the little pen next. Steve put the pen over his left forefinger and clicked it. "So I prick my finger with this doo-dad - I washed my hands in the bathroom," he took it away and Bucky saw a small bubble of blood bloom from a tiny point on Steve's finger. He suddenly felt a teeny bit dizzy. Steve dropped the blood onto the strip in the blood glucose reader. "I put the blood here and it automatically tests my blood sugar and glucose levels. Pretty cool, huh?"

He showed Bucky the device as some numbers flashed up on the little screen. "Wow, that's awesome," Bucky said and nonchalantly leaned against the table to steady himself. Steve had to do this to himself every day?

"Okay, so now I know how much insulin I need to give myself. It varies day by day but today's a pretty easy day." He glanced at Bucky as he was getting a syringe and one of the small vials of liquid from his pack. "Um, I can do this in the bathroom. You really don't have to watch this."

"No, no. I want to." Bucky took Steve's hand and smiled. "I want to. Maybe I could learn how and you know...help out on your not-so-good days."

Steve's face softened and he squeezed Bucky's hand. "That would be...amazing."

Bucky wanted so badly to kiss him right then but he nodded at the syringe. "Show me everything."

Steve punctured the vial with the syringe and drew some of the liquid. He tapped it several times to remove the air bubbles. He pulled up his sweater, revealing the smooth pale skin of his stomach and wiped it with a cotton swab - Bucky assumed it had alcohol or something on it. "I usually inject here," he said, pinching a section of flesh on his side.

Bucky's vision swam a little. He swallowed hard and frowned in concentration. "Alright."

Steve injected himself smoothly and easily, pulling the syringe away and wiping the tiny pin prick with another cotton swab. "And done! It's easy really."

Bucky could feel all of the blood drain out of his face and he swayed on his feet. "Yeah," he said in a wobbly voice.

"It was hard to get used to at first but - Bucky, are you okay? You look awful." Steve was watching him with wide, concerned eyes.

"I'm fine," Bucky squeaked.

Then he passed out.

When he came to, he was lying on Steve's living room rug, Steve above him dribbling a wet dish towel on his face.

"Bucky? Are you okay? Oh my god," Steve said in a panic, searching Bucky's eyes with his own.

"What year is it?" Bucky croaked out.

Steve sat back on his heels. "That's not funny," he said but Bucky could hear how relieved he was. "Why didn't you tell me you felt faint?"

"Because I'm an idiot," Bucky said from the floor.

Steve frowned and sighed. "Well, that goes without saying."

"My head doesn't hurt too bad so I must be okay."

Steve chuffed. "You full-on swooned. You crumpled to the floor like an old-timey dame."

Bucky groaned. "I didn't think I would pass out; I'm usually fine with needles."

Steve's jaw clenched. "Still think you want to watch me do that every day?"

Bucky held Steve's hand. "I'm thinking that I want to kiss you. Right now."

Steve flushed pink but smiled down at Bucky. "I don't know; you could have hit your head when you went down. You might have a concussion. That could be the injury talking."

"I need mouth to mouth. It's the only thing that will make me better," Bucky said.

Steve laughed again. "That is the lamest line I've ever heard." He scooched down and lay alongside Bucky on the floor.

Bucky rolled onto his side. He felt dizzy again but for another reason entirely. "I was waiting for the right time to do this," he said and reached up to brush Steve's bangs out of his eyes and push his glasses up his nose.

Steve smiled. He had the bluest eyes Bucky had ever seen. "I'm glad the right time was you passing out on my rug."

Bucky laughed and pulled Steve to him. He was pretty certain it was the best kiss he'd ever had and not just because he was already a little light-headed. Steve's lips were so soft and he tasted like peppermint. He brought one cool, slender hand to Bucky's neck and made a quiet noise that sent Bucky's pulse racing.

When they pulled apart, Steve was smiling harder than Bucky had ever seen him smile before. "Wow. Floor kisses are the best."

Bucky giggled - he _never_ giggled - and kissed Steve on the forehead. "I guess we should go for breakfast."

"I don't know, I think you should lie down on the couch for a little while. You _did_ pass out, remember?"

Bucky groaned. "If I do, will you lie down with me?"

Steve kissed him again, slowly and with a little more tongue than Bucky was expecting. Not that he was complaining. "I kind of planned to," Steve said with a slightly wicked grin.

By the time they disengaged from the couch, clothes rumpled and hair dishevelled, it was way past lunchtime.

***

Their relationship fell into place like it had always been there. They went to dinner, went to see movies, talked sleepily on the phone to each other before they went to bed. Bucky held Steve's hand in public and dropped kisses onto his head in line at the grocery store and was always rewarded with Steve's bright smile. He looked up recipes for diabetes-friendly desserts. Steve made Bucky dance with him while he would cook dinner. Steve couldn't dance for shit but he made up for it in enthusiasm, making Bucky laugh until his stomach ached, pretending to look offended.

They spent a lot of evenings just talking and kissing on the couch in front of the TV, mostly at Steve's place. Bucky hadn't smoked since his chest infection and because of Steve's asthma, he had no intention of ever starting again. It was the best incentive Bucky ever had to quit. Even though they had started to establish a lot of trust in terms of Steve's illnesses and what he was willing to share, Bucky knew that he was still holding back, that he would smile and laugh even though Bucky could see that Steve was having a bad day. Bucky wished he wouldn't do it but he wanted Steve to feel comfortable about himself and what he decided to share so he didn't push.

They were both sprawled on Steve's couch watching something but talking mostly, the babble in the background just a soft comforting noise as they chatted.

"I was held back a grade in high school," Steve said when they started to swap stories about being kids, "because I was ill so much."

Bucky rubbed Steve's back gently, feeling his elastic brace under his t-shirt. Steve didn't seem to mind so Bucky continued with the slow soft strokes. "Really?"

Steve nodded, his head resting against Bucky's shoulder. "Yeah. My mom and dad had to work a lot more because of my medical bills so I stayed with my grandma most of the time. She made sure I did what school work I could but there was only so much I could do. I hated it. I was small for my age anyway - well, I still am - but I just felt completely isolated, you know?"

Bucky kissed the top of Steve's head. "Sorry, Stevie. That must have been rough."

Steve sighed. "I shouldn't complain really. I finished school, did some correspondence courses and got a job I really like. Found someone amazing," he squeezed Bucky's hand. "Before my parent's died, all they seemed to do was work to pay for me. They said they never regretted it for one moment but I always felt guilty."

"You can't think like that. They loved you a lot. Your grandma too, by the sounds of it."

Steve chuckled. "Yeah, she was something else. That was one thing I never regretted about being sick so much - the time I got to spend with her. She was a great lady; she always had something fun for us to do. She was a code breaker during World War Two."

"Holy crap, really?"

"Yeah. She taught me all kinds of things. I know Morse code."

Bucky grinned. "I always tried to learn as a kid but it never stuck."

Steve tapped on Bucky's stomach; the little dots and dashes tickled. When he stopped Bucky asked him what it meant.

"Bucky Barnes Is Incredible," Steve said, smiling.

Bucky turned Steve's head up to his and kissed him. "I don't define you by your illnesses."

"You don't?" Steve asked quietly.

"I define you by your smarts - the way you always manage to tell me something interesting every day. I define you by the way you make me laugh. I define you by your kindness. I definitely define you by your cuteness." He nuzzled Steve's neck and Steve giggled. "Your illnesses are a part of you, but they're not all of you."

Steve let out a shuddery breath. "I've needed to hear that for a long time."

Bucky scooted down the couch a little and lay his head on Steve's chest. His heartbeat was steady and comforting. "You've got the strongest heart of anyone I know."

Steve chuffed. "Well, it's the only part of my body that isn't weak as shit anymore."

"I didn't mean it like that," Bucky said.

Steve gently ran his fingers through Bucky's hair. "I know," he said softly and Bucky could hear the smile when he answered.

Bucky took Steve's hand and kissed it. "We have to do something about these cold hands though. You're like a little icebox."

"Well it's a good job you're such a furnace then," Steve said and jammed both hands up Bucky's shirt and pressed them to his stomach.

Bucky yelped and squirmed on the couch, relishing Steve's laughter.

***

Their relationship became something steady and solid. Steve began to open up more and on the days where he could do nothing but lie and sleep, Bucky either gave him his space or stayed with him, snuggling in bed and making sure he drank plenty of water. He had also helped to test Steve's blood and give him his insulin a couple of mornings. The fact that Steve trusted Bucky enough to let him do it proved to him that this was something special. He would do anything for Steve, he knew that.

One night when Steve woke coughing and gagging, his asthma worse than it had been for a while, Bucky held him and rubbed his chest. He knew it wouldn't do much good but the gesture seemed comforting to Steve after several shaky puffs on his inhaler and he gradually relaxed against Bucky, his breathing evening out.

Steve tapped a message in Morse code weakly against Bucky's arm.

"What does that mean?" Bucky asked.

"I love you," Steve said softly.

Bucky pressed a kiss to Steve's temple. "I love you too," he whispered.

***

"How's Steve?" Darcy asked at work, three months into their relationship.

Bucky smiled. "Steve's good."

"How's the sex?" Pete asked.

Bucky glared at him. "None of your goddamned business!"

Pete huffed. "Hey, I always tell you about me and MJ."

"And I wish you wouldn't! I keep telling you to shut up with the TMI but you do it anyway!"

"So how is it?" Darcy asked.

Bucky clenched his fists. "I am NOT having this conversation."

Pete gave Darcy a knowing look. "At it like rabbits."

***

The first time he and Steve had sex, it was a disaster.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry! I thought you were having an asthma attack!" Bucky stood half on and half off of the bed. "Oh, this is horrible." He covered his face with his hands.

Steve laughed breathlessly from the twisted blankets. "I was in the throes of passion, Buck. There's a big difference between that and an asthma attack."

"I panicked," Bucky said.

"I kind of gathered that when you leapt off of me and ran into the bathroom for my inhaler," Steve said.

Bucky sat on the edge of the bed and moaned into his hands again. "I ruined it. I ruined our first time."

Steve smiled and shuffled to his side, running his hand up Bucky's sweaty back. "You didn't ruin anything. It was sweet that even though we were doing what we were doing, you'd drop everything to help me if you thought I was in trouble."

Bucky took his hands away and let out a frustrated breath, glancing down into his wilting lap. "Yeah, I certainly dropped everything."

Steve laughed softly and kissed Bucky's hip. "If it's any consolation, I _really_ enjoyed everything we did up until that point." He gazed up at Bucky with mischievous eyes. "Especially when you...you know."

Bucky finally grinned back. "That's the first time I've ever done that to anyone."

Steve smiled shyly, pink and soft. "That's the first time I've ever let anyone do that to me."

They both laughed together and Bucky crawled back onto the bed, pulling Steve with him to lay against the pillows. "I could probably get back to where we were if you give me like fifteen minutes."

Steve pulled the blankets over them both. "It's okay; I kind of just want to lie with you. Is that alright?"

Bucky brushed Steve's hair back. It was slightly damp, a darker shade of blond than it usually was. "Of course it is. We'll try again tomorrow."

They talked softly to each other and Bucky didn't feel so bad anymore; Steve was happy so he was happy. It felt good just to hold each other like this, naked and at ease. He didn't realize that as they had been talking, he had been running his fingers up and down Steve's surgery scar in the centre of his chest. He stilled his hand.

"Is this okay?"

Steve nodded and kissed Bucky's neck. "I like it. The couple of relationships I've had in the past, no-one wanted to touch it. Think they thought it would hurt me or something."

"I'm sorry I made your health a...a _thing_ , when I panicked. I said I never would." Bucky sighed.

"Buck, I like that you cared. You didn't make it a thing." Steve kissed him again. "Don't beat yourself up over it, okay? If anything were to happen while we were intimate, I'd let you know."

Bucky nodded and rested his head on Steve's chest. It was one of his favorite things to do, to just listen to Steve's heartbeat. They fell asleep curled around each other.

The next day, the sex was 110% better.

***

Steve's workload had ramped up somewhat and while he was happy for Bucky to hang out as he wrote, Bucky knew he would get more done when he wasn't there to distract him.

"Look, if I let you work for a couple of days, you'll get everything done quicker and then we can get together without you having to worry about deadlines." Bucky shrugged on his jacket. "And it'll be an incentive too."

"How's that?" Steve asked, slightly grumpy because he knew Bucky was right but didn't want to admit it.

Bucky pulled Steve to him by his shirt collar. "Because," he said quietly, "when you've finished and all of your stuff is approved, I'm going to kiss you _all over_."

Steve slipped his arms around Bucky's waist, a smile starting to quirk on his lips. "All over?"

"Every square inch of Rogers my lips and tongue can reach."

Steve finally laughed and buried his face in the front of Bucky's jacket. "Okay, that's a great incentive."

Bucky hugged Steve tight but pulled back when Steve winced slightly.

"You okay?" Bucky asked.

"Yeah," Steve said with a frown. "My lower back's been aching a little. Feeling kind of shitty but then what's new?"

Bucky put a hand to Steve's head. "You feel a little hot. Should I get the thermometer?"

"Nah, I think I'm just run down from work. I'll finish the page I'm on and get to bed."

"Can I at least make you something to eat? Even just soup and toast?"

Steve shook his head. "I'm not really hungry."

"Steve..." Bucky said.

Steve smiled. "Buck, I'm _fine_. Come on. The sooner I get this work done, the sooner we can do dirty stuff."

Bucky huffed as Steve pushed him to the front door. "Pushy little bastard."

"You have _no_ idea," Steve said. "Seriously though, I'll power through and call you tomorrow to let you know how I'm doing."

Bucky leaned against the door frame. "I have tomorrow off of work so if you need me for anything, just call." He watched Steve for a moment. "Are you _sure_ you're okay?"

Steve brushed Bucky's hair behind his ear. "Don't worry about me. See you tomorrow?"

Bucky kissed Steve softly. "I love you."

Steve pressed his forehead to Bucky's and closed his eyes. "I love you too."

***

Bucky stayed in bed late the next morning and lounged around in his underwear until lunch. He had been hoping for a quiet day but he realized how much his apartment needed a clean and resentfully made a start on his bathroom, putting on his favorite playlist and occasionally glancing at his phone to check if Steve had called or sent him a text.

He had lunch and straightened out the living room. He was just about to head into his bedroom and work through some laundry when his cell phone rang.

Bucky smiled when he saw Steve's picture flash up on his screen. "Hey Steve," he said cheerfully.

"Is this James Barnes?" A stern very not-Steve voice asked.

"Yes, who the hell is this?" Bucky said with a frown, trying to ignore the twist in his stomach.

"This is Doctor Conners from New York Central Hospital. I'm afraid it's regarding Steven Rogers."

Bucky couldn't get out of his apartment fast enough, fear making a sharp bitter tang in his throat.

***

"A kidney infection?!" Bucky was red faced from rushing to the hospital and crying a little. He stood in the white, medicinal stinking hallway, chest heaving, face wet. "But he's okay? He's going to be okay, right?"

"He'll be fine," Doctor Conners said. He sounded less harsh in person. "I didn't mean to scare you but you hung up on me before I had a chance to tell you anything." He looked in equal parts amused and concerned at Bucky's condition. "I could do with a lot less drama like that."

Bucky slumped into one of the hard plastic chairs bolted to the wall. " _You_ could?" he spluttered. "Fuck me. I thought...I thought..." He put his head in his hands.

Doctor Conners's face softened and he sat beside Bucky. "Easy now, son. Your friend is going to be alright."

"Boyfriend," Bucky corrected.

"Ah," Doctor Conners said with realization. "In that case, I'm very sorry I scared you."

Bucky wiped his face with his sleeve. "No, no you were right. I shouldn't have panicked." he huffed out a laugh. "Steve'll kill me for acting like such an idiot. I should have just let you speak but I heard "hospital" and "Steve" and jumped to a horrible conclusion."

Doctor Conners smiled. "I don't have a very good telephone manner, that's for sure."

Bucky managed a laugh and blew his nose. "So he's okay?"

"He's still quite ill - the infection progressed very quickly - but he's under observation and on antibiotics and I think he'll be fine but because of his diabetes and weakened immune system, we want to keep him in for a few days to be sure. His body isn't as good at fighting as yours or mine, unfortunately."

"He's used to it," Bucky said sadly. "I don't think I ever will be. He said yesterday that he felt a little off but I just thought it was...I should have stayed with him."

"Now that's not going to help anyone. Don't go blaming yourself for this." Doctor Conners stood. "He's a tough one and he's had a kidney infection before and came through it. Come on - he's technically not allowed visitors but I think we can make an exception." He smiled and indicated for Bucky to follow.

They went down the corridor and Doctor Conners led him to a small private room. Steve was propped up on pillows and he seemed tiny in the large hospital bed, with an IV drip in his left arm. He looked slightly yellow. Bucky moaned.

"Don't be alarmed by his color," Doctor Conners said quietly, "the infection has just sped up the breakdown of his red blood cells. It's not common with a kidney infection but we think some of his other existing conditions might be a factor. I can assure you the meds are doing their job. Try not to get him too excited, okay?" He stepped out and closed the door softly behind him.

Bucky pulled up one of the chairs beside the bed and took Steve's hand gently in both of his. They were always so fucking cold.

Steve shifted and his eyes opened. "Buck?" He sounded bleary.

"I'm here. I'm here, Stevie." He kissed Steve's hand.

Steve squinted at him. "You look terrible."

Bucky chuffed. "You can talk. You're _yellow_."

Steve raised his other hand and made a weak fist. "What'd you call me?"

Bucky grinned. "Like a banana, not a chicken."

Steve smiled back weakly. "Good. I didn't want to have to kick your ass."

"You scared the shit out of me," Bucky said, his voice barely a whisper. "I should have stayed with you last night."

Steve swallowed and tears pricked his eyes. "I'm so sorry. It was my fault - I shouldn't have ignored how I felt. I just wanted to...get through it so we could spend time together and I woke up feeling worse and made a doctor's appointment but I passed out in the hallway. Mrs Woodhouse found me and called the hospital." He started to cry. "I've had this before and I should have known what it could be and...and it happened so fast and I _hate_ this, I hate it so much. I hate being so weak."

Bucky stood and leaned over Steve, pressing gentle kisses to his cheeks. "You're not weak, Steve. You're not. You get through everything day by day and you don't complain. You're so strong."

The tears continued to roll down Steve's face, his breath hitching. Bucky had never seen him like this. It was breaking his heart. "But you'll get tired of it. You will. You'll look at me and you'll think it's not worth it, that _I'm_ not worth it..."

Bucky grasped Steve's face in both of his hands and looked him dead in the eyes. "Hey, I will never think that about you. _Ever_. I love you so fucking much, Steve."

Steve grasped Bucky's arm weakly. "I'm sorry, Bucky." He started to weep.

Bucky climbed up onto the bed carefully and lay beside Steve as gently as he could. "You're so strong, Stevie."

He held Steve until he had cried himself out and drifted back off to sleep. At one point, Doctor Conners came in and checked on him. Bucky thought he would have to leave but he was just left with a smile as Doctor Conners closed the door behind him.

Bucky carefully kicked his shoes off and settled next to Steve. He placed his palm on Steve's chest and felt his heartbeat as he slept.

***

Steve woke up a few hours later. He shuffled closer to Bucky and rested his head against his shoulder. "You're still here," he said groggily.

"No-one kicked me out so I figured I'd stay as long as I could." Bucky kissed Steve's temple. "Now, don't get offended but I want to help you out with the bill for all of this."

"That's sweet Buck, but there's no need. I have a trust fund from my parents and grandma. Especially for stuff like this."

Bucky nodded and snuggled a little closer.

"I'm sorry I got so upset earlier," Steve said quietly. "It all just got on top of me."

"You don't have to apologize. You _are_ allowed to get upset, you know. You're _not_ allowed, however, to assume that I would ever walk away from this, Mr Putting-Words-In-My-Mouth."

Steve grasped for Bucky's hand. "I know. I just get scared sometimes, especially on my low days."

"Steve, you have to know I'm in this for the long haul. I'm with you all the way; I want to be there on the good days and the bad days for the rest of my life," Bucky said softly.

Steve was silent for a moment. "Did you...just propose to me?"

Bucky smiled. "I think it was a pre-proposal. Are you pre-accepting my pre-proposal?"

Steve laughed. It was weaker and more tired sounding than his usual laugh but it still filled Bucky with joy. "Yes, I'm pre-accepting your pre-proposal. As amazing as it is, I'd rather we weren't in a hospital room and I wasn't yellow."

Bucky laughed with him and held up their hands, fingers interlaced. "I don't know, I'm kind of getting used to this color. You look good in Aureolin."

Steve squeezed Bucky's hand as much as he could. "I'm so lucky."

Bucky turned and kissed Steve softly. "Me too."

***

Steve was released from the hospital two days later, better but still tired. He actually let Bucky make him lie on the couch while he was brought food and water and generally got made a big fuss over. They snuggled together and watched movies and fell asleep.

One Sunday evening, Steve found Bucky sitting at the kitchen table, sorting out his pills and dropping them carefully into his pillbox, ready for the coming week.

"You didn't need to do that," Steve said, but he was smiling gratefully.

"I wanted to. You might have to check that I got it all correct though."

Steve hugged Bucky from behind and kissed his cheek. "Thank you."

Bucky turned his chair around and pulled Steve into his lap. "Will you marry me, Steve Rogers?"

Steve looked momentarily surprised but then grinned, his arms around Bucky's neck. "Yes." He kissed Bucky softly, a smile on his lips the whole time.

Bucky beamed. "Wow, that wasn't half as nerve-wracking given the whole pre-proposal thing."

Steve laughed. "It still felt good though. So, you really want to be with me forever?"

"In sickness and in health," Bucky said softly and they kissed each other for a long time.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I researched as much as I could for this fic so I hope it's as realistic as it can be!
> 
> A birthday/Christmas/Every occasion fic for asgardianette. She's awesome and helps me with American stuff.
> 
> Title from Doctor,Doctor by The Thompson Twins. I've referenced this song before in one of my other fics because I'm stuck in the past and love 80s pop music.


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